I want to feel you, all of you; your body, your mind, and your spirit all tempt me with their whimsies. I love you, this much has always been true, I just lost sight of it for awhile. Did I expunge you from my memory? If so, it was only a temporary occurrence, for now you’re back and I don’t know what to make of this flood. It’s drowning me, but not for the reasons you may be starting to believe as you read this letter. It’s me I’m struggling in to keep my head above water. It’s my own feelings; my heart made too much blood, so the excess pools around my brain, muddling my thoughts with the extra red liquid.
I want to breathe you in, always and only you. I don’t want anyone else to interfere with this old familiarity wrapped up in a brand new package. But people meddle, though they may not call it that. I do, though. I do because I look to everyone else to confirm my feelings, and no one is going to do that this time; they know how I am and they know how you are, so they will fervently, feverishly disagree with everything we’ve been working towards. They won’t drain my head, no, but they will serve up another glass of iron-rich blood, and I will have no choice but to drill into my own skull to relieve the pressure and take away the confusion that comes with it.
I’ll eventually have to choose between us and them. In the end, I know they’ll all be back, but if you happen to be the one I let go of, you will be gone forever, and I can’t say I’d blame you for that.
This has happened one too many times, and I’m just tired.
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